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Jan. 7th, 2006 @ 10:55 pm (no subject)
So wonderful Cheese sent me this today, and it made me happy . . . so I thought I'd share with everyone!

"Here's to the guys who love you, the losers who lost you, and the lucky bastards who get to meet you"

That really made me feel special, him saying that to me! Anyways . . .just thought I'd put it in here!
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Dec. 30th, 2005 @ 06:57 pm (no subject)
Current Mood: depressedno words to describe
I don't think I've ever felt so alone and so worthless in my life. I don't think any of my goals in life are obtainable any longer. Right now . . . I have no purpose. I'm just a terrible person who has nowhere to go.

And I thought I was in a lot of pain earlier in the semester? Ha . . . maybe that was just practice for now. But I deserve it all I suppose. I guess I needed this to learn a lesson of some sort.

I really didn't mean to hurt anyone . . . especially not someone that I love. I thought I was doing the right thing at the time . . . but like normal . . . I was wrong. Maybe from now on I should do the opposite of what I think is right. I just feel awful.

But whats worse . . . how can you still love somebody so much after they just purposely tried to hurt you and basically told you they didn't want you in their life at all . . . that your feelings didn't matter? You'd think those feelings would die when your heart does. No such luck. How can you still want to be with someone that cares so little about you?
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Dec. 13th, 2005 @ 04:06 pm (no subject)
So I'm single again . . . and damnit this time I'm gonna try to make the best of it and enjoy it. I'm tired of guys . . . I'm tired of my heart constantly being broken. I think its time for me to take a vacation. I need a break from boys. I'm also tired of working so hard to get a boy or to keep a boy. Whoever happens to be next . . . if anyone ever wants me again . . . he better work his butt off to get me. I need to see some effort . . . I need to see that I'm worth something. I'm a hopeless romantic and i'm tired of settling . . . I want someone to sweep me off my feet. Maybe I'll stay single forever because there's probably no one out there willing to do that for me . . . but a girl can dream. And buddy . . . do I dream. If you only knew . . .
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Dec. 11th, 2005 @ 10:20 pm (no subject)
My life just can't ever be happy this semester I swear! *sigh* :(
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Dec. 8th, 2005 @ 08:52 pm (no subject)
I would just like the drama to STOP. I cannot wait for this semester to be over and I can only pray that all the crap that has been going on dies in the cold. I am very bitter and stressed and I'm about ready to break. I can only handle so much at a time and with 0 time to get over one problem before another one pops up. I swear . . . I think if it all continues I might seriously need therapy. My mind is gone, my drive is gone . . . and I feel like I'm doing nothing all the time. I'm just here . . . floating through. I know I complain about this all the time. Its just always on my mind. What is going on?


*sigh*
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Dec. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:02 pm (no subject)
Ok . . . so my "sign" has never actually fit me . . . its pretty much the opposite of what I am. So I took a quiz to see what sign I was supposed to be and Cancer and Pisces ended up tying. Those are the ones that actually fit my personality. (not that I actually believe in this . . . its just fun). So here is just a little love info that I found that really fits me from Cancer and Pisces. :)

CANCER:
Your positive traits:

You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on
A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows
You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with

Your negative traits:

Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner
You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult
It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down.

Your ideal partner:

Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply
Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family
Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt!


PISCES:
Your positive traits:

You're very tuned into your lover's feelings - and always doing something caring.
Sweetness - you're the most romantic person your parnter has ever met.
You get easily swept away and are a total delight to fall in love with.

Your negative traits:

You are super duper sensitive and find it hard to get out of a sad mood.
It's difficult for you to tell your sweetie no, even when you should.
You often tell your partner what they want to hear, instead of being honest.

Your ideal partner:

Is straight from a fairy tale - the man or woman of your dreams
Is a total romantic, with an artistic or creative side
Loves to express their love to you, in all sorts of unique ways

Your dating style:
Dreamy. You like traditional romantic dates, like picnics in the park and candlelight dinners.
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Dec. 2nd, 2005 @ 09:52 am (no subject)
"love is not a game for cowards. It's also not fair, not played by any rules, and not a game you can win."

I found this in one of my friend's away messages. And I agree with it almost completely . . . though I hope that there is at least a posibility to win . . . at least for some people. I sure hope I can win.
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Nov. 25th, 2005 @ 09:41 pm (no subject)
So I just finished reading Pride and Prejudice which I must say is one of the BEST books probably in existance. I think I even fell in love with Mr. Darcy myself. *sigh* So recently I had been under the foolish impression that I have been getting over some of my "hopeless romantic-ness" . . . I thought that maybe I was finally beginning to come to terms with what the real world has to offer. No such luck. I dont think that being a romantic is something that you can ever get over . . . its not just a quality that you have . . . its actually part of you. I cant be me without being a romantic . . . it just cant happen. I suppose that I am destined for a life that will never truly satisfy me because I yearn for so much more. I need passion . . . something that I am starting to believe is just as imaginary as fairies or wizards or unicorns. I want--scratch that--need a fairy tale life. Nothing less will ever be good enough I'm afraid.

So I was thinking on this and relating it to my relationships and I began to notice and attempted to analyze a couple things. I tend to pick fights a lot and I am bothered by many small things in all of my relationships. I think this is because I want more excitement out of what I have. There is no passion there, so I must try to search for it and create opportunities that may attract it. I want a man willing to fight for me, to do all he can just so that he wont lose me. I think thats probably the main reason for the picking and the fighting . . . to test how much someone will fight, or what all they'll do for me. Because I know for someone that I love I would do just about anything and I want nothing less in return. I want all the extravagance of a man travelling from a far off place just to tell me that he loves me and cant live another moment without me. I want the dramatic realization that there is only one right person for me. I want someone to be willing to do anything to prove how much he loves me, or to get me to notice and love him. I want the knight in shining armor to come and rescue me from all the troubles of the world so that I may live an honestly happy life . . . forever. Upon these reflections I have come to the conclusion that I will probably never marry . . . or if I do, that I will most likely be settling . . . because I know that what I want can never possibly come true.
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Nov. 9th, 2005 @ 12:45 am (no subject)
So here is the sonnet that I get to read in my Literature class:


What lips my lips have kissed, and where, and why,
I have forgotten, and what arms have lain
Under my head till morning; but the rain
Is full of ghosts tonight, that tap and sigh
Upon the glass and listen for reply,
And in my heart there stirs a quiet pain
For unremembered lads that not again
Will turn to me at midnight with a cry.
Thus in the winter stands the lonely tree,
Nor knows what birds have vanished one by one,
Yet knows its boughs more silent than before:
I cannot say what loves have come and gone,
I only know that summer sang in me
A little while, that in me sings no more.

by: Edna St. Vincent Millay
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Nov. 8th, 2005 @ 01:01 pm (no subject)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MANDA!!!
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